A brief progress(?) report

I rather miss report cards. It was so nice to have that quarterly affirmation that I was on track.

Oxford doesn't really do progress reports, though they sort of pretend to...our supervisors can opt to reflect on our work at the end of each term. My general supervisor, Maria (who is fabulous and supportive and gives me hugs and apples) sends encouraging comments, though until about two weeks ago she hadn't actually *read* any of my work. By contrast, my option/dissertation supervisor, Liz F (whom I cannot, for some reason, bring myself to refer to just as "Liz". Always full name. Not that she's mean....it's just a more formal, less chummy relationship. And if I'm honest, she intimidates the hell out of me. Okay, end parentheses) hasn't really commented on my progress, though she's the one familiar with my work.

It might be a good thing that we don't get letter grades or have GPAs, since (surprise) it's a lot harder this time around. But since we don't really have any real barometer of the quality of our work, there's just a lot of fluctuating between this-might-be-good, who-am-I-kidding?-this-is total-shit, and why-did-I-go-to-grad-school?

Anyway, in the end, all that determines whether or not I emerge from these nine months with a Master's or not--not the reading, not class participation or presentations, not in-term essays--are three papers:
1. Theory essay: 6,000 words (Mine was 16ish pages)
2. Option essay: 10,000 words (Around 30)
3. Dissertation: 15,000 words (Lord only knows. 45, maybe?)

So really, a not-so-grand total of about 90 pages and 31,000 words stand between me and my second diploma.

Though we were meant to write the theory essay over the post-Michelmas term break, and the Option paper was supposed to come out of Hilary term, they're both due Friday of week 1 Trinity (the third and final term)--April 30th.

The dissertation is due Friday of 8th (last) week of Trinity, which is June 18th. Today as I was walking through the park, enjoying the sunshine, it struck me that June 18th is exactly two months from today. I'd known that, but something in that moment induced some heart palpitations.

Anyway, progress on these three rather important bits of work:

Theory: Written, revised, and waiting for one final set of revisions. But basically done, coherent, and of submittable quality (I'm really shooting for the moon here).

Option: 8,000/10,000 words written. Not edited. Planning to wrap it up, do some quick edits, and send it off to Liz F. by the end of tomorrow for edits within the last 10 days.

Dissertation: ZERO of 15,000 words written. Thus far I have rejected panic as unproductive and unhealthy--though I've eschewed talking about schoolwork with really anyone for the most part, and will admit to a bit of avoiding my classmates (though they're all really lovely) while I was far behind in these essays simply because I thought that if I heard about all their progress I might have a nervous breakdown. But really, I know that I'll finish all my work, and chances are it will be of passable quality (they say it's hard to do two things at Oxford: get a distinction and fail, meaning that most people pass but not exactly with flying colors).

That said, I had a moment of panic today. TWO MONTHS to accomplish a lot of writing and a ton more research before writing can even happen.

Our lady of perpetual librarying and Red Bull, pray for me.